Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life

By Margalis Fjelstad

This book is intended for people who serve in the Caretaker role in a relationship with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality disorder. The book aims at helping a Caretaker to recognize his or her position, as well as the reality of the mental illness of his or her partner, so that the Caretaker can use the tools in the latter half of the book to, as the title suggests, stop caretaking. Although the book is mostly aimed at a caretaker in a romantic relationship with a B/NPD, it is an easy move to apply the lessons within to friends, family, and coworkers.

I found the first 144 pages of the book to be mostly useless. These first 14 chapters detail BPD, NPD, and the Caretaker role, and spend a great deal of time hinting at the useful skills to come. These chapters may be useful to a more trapped caretaker than myself; however, since I am already aware of B/NPD and my caretaker tendencies, these chapters were mostly just painful, unnecessary reminders of past experiences.

Useful skills finally arrive in chapters 15 through 17, wherein the author explains how to improve, or exit, a relationship with the B/NPD. I thought these chapters, unlike the rest of the book, were concise and very helpful. They explain the importance of, as well as a plan for, boundary-setting and confidence-building, without casting the reader too much as a victim. I would highly recommend these chapters to anyone in a relationship with a B/NPD, though I think the rest of the book can be skipped.